I really have to stop letting people piss me off

I have a History of the English Language class on Wednesday evenings. For some reason, night classes really piss me off and put me in a bad mood. On top of the recurring insomnia, I'd decided to lay off the work out today and have a cheeseburger while I did some things around town. I was okay with that plan for today.

And then I went into full pissed off mode. People around here seem to smell when I have money in my bank account. One called to borrow money and the other called to tell me not to cash the check he'd sent me to pay back a loan. So I spent a lot of time raising hell because I don't actually have money. I have money, but I don't have money to throw at people like I'm the frigging Macy's Christmas parade Santa Claus. So I ate all of the caramel cremes. All of the ones in existence - so if there's some sudden caramel creme shortage get the hell over it. And then I topped it off with a hershey's almond bar.

This was not happy, anticipatory eating like the bagel and cookie yesterday. I'd been wanting that damned bagel and cookie for over a month. I'd thought about it and by yesterday afternoon, the desire had reached the crescendo. No. This was vengeance eating.

You want money I can't afford to give you because I know you'll never pay it back? SCREW YOU! I'M EATING ALL THE SUGAR IN THE UNIVERSE RIGHT NOW! HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT! NO HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP FOR YOU! NO MOCHA LATTES! NO SUGAR IN YOUR COFFEE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Now, a rational person would not do that. A rational person would not rationalize eating all the caramel cremes in the world to get back at people who piss her off. Let's be honest. I'm obviously not a rational person. Sugar is my crutch and I turn to it when I'm stressed. The day was already stressful because I don't have my book for this class yet (bookstore's fault for not ordering it until the day class started) so I hadn't read the material. I don't like evening classes and I had a lot of errands to run. For some reason, the money thing was just the topping to send me into a sugar rage.

So the major point of today's blog is this: there are not enough caramel cremes in the world to work through stress and general pissed offedness.

I really have to learn to deal with it some other way. Maybe manslaughter.

Good day.

Neena and Veena from yesterday really worked my butt. I could still feel it this morning so I will definitely be alternating them with my other tapes. I thought about doing it again today, but decided I need to keep the routines varied from day to day right now to allow my body to not become to acclimated to any particular session.

Today was Leslie Sansone day with the Walk Away the Pounds Express 2 mile walk. Leslie is one of the really happy people and all that cheerfullness can be grating on any giving day. More than a few WATP (Walk Away the Pounds) adherents say they turn down the volume once they learn the routine and turn on their own music.

Leslie has a kajillion different videos out and they're all pretty simple, more like light aerobics that vary intensity and time. The one and two miles are pretty good for beginners. The one I did today was nothing for me to finish off when I bought it a couple of years ago. Today, I worked up a sweat, my legs ached from the knee lifts and I was sweating like a whore in church. Or a fat woman in the candy store.


Also, I parked my car three blocks away from my school so I walked an extra six blocks today. I went at a leisurely pace, taking about ten minutes for each walk so it wasn't any spectacular work out session, but it was a nice little addition to my day. Sooner or later, I will go back to using the stairs at school but the last time I tried that, I ended up heaving and nearly wretching out a lung in front of a bunch of 22 year old babies. Given that I'm mildly vain, I'd prefer not to repeat the situation any time soon.

And I thought I might try journaling my food here for a while.

Breakfast - egg white omelette with onions, cheese and sour cream (The egg whites are specifically for health reasons. I'm just one of those freaks who prefers egg whites.

Lunch - Einstein Brothers Veg Out on an Asiago Bagel and a mudslide cookie. Neither one of these things are particularly healthy other than my big, calorie ridden bagel comes with a few slices of cucumber, lettuce and onions. But I really wanted the thing. I'd been thinking about it all morning and I'll be damned, I was going to have it and the cookie. I don't regret it.

Snack - 1.5 cups of skim milk and 1.5 cups of Flax Plus Pumpkin Crunch cereal

The Plan

There are a few secrets to weight loss I discovered over the years.

1. Don't try to change everything at once.
   
2. Don't guilt trip yourself.
3. Diets suck, so don't diet.
   

With that in my mind, I have a multi-layered plan that I make up a bit as I go. Currently, there are three things I need to do:

1. Increase my water intake.
2. Write down my food intake. (I have no intentions of purposely changing the way I eat right now, it's too much. At this point, it's enough to write down everything I eat and see what I can improve over time.)
3. Commit to exercising at least thirty minutes, three days a week.

Once I've incorporated those changed into my daily life, I'll add in new things like increasing my time exercising or focusing more on portion control. I would be remiss if I didn't mention sparkpeople.com right now. Most of the things I talk about here are things I've learned from sparkpeople. I really enjoy the site because it's an all in one spot for weight loss including a food journal, forums, and health related articles among other things. I also really like it because it's free and I'm really addicted to those little points. A lot of people don't like it because they find the site hard to navigate and it may not be the best site for everyone who is looking for an online weightloss community.

Officially, this is a weight loss blog

I have been lucky enough to lose something like 80 pounds some two years ago. Unfortunately, most of the little bastards found me and I'm not enjoying their reattachment. I've been saying that I'm going to do something about it and I'd make little starts to get back on the wagon, but could never seem to commit myself to it.

It wasn't until I found myself face deep in a carton of Moose Tracks Extreme ice cream last week that the fear hit me - if I keep eating this crap someday a rollback wrecker is going to haul me out of my house in nothing but California king size sheets sewn together to cover my gunt and androgynous fat person boobs. This is inconceivable and so on Friday morning I pulled my self out of my sloth and did a three mile Leslie Sansone video with the full intentions of doing a one or two mile tape over the weekend. Except I overextended myself in that way that I usually overextend myself when I get a great idea and spent the entire weekend babying my overly contracted calves.

I have a plan. Of sorts. I'll talk about that later. Right now I will ramble as rambling and ranting are two of my strong points.

Today, I did a belly dancing tape by these Neena and Veena chicks. I tell you, if you really ever want to feel like a lump of uncoordinated fat cells, belly dancing is the way to go. For all my personal embarrassment though, it was an excellent work out. I only did the basic moves today and worked up a nice little sweat. I think I'll do this on the days I don't have time to do anything else and I will eventually work my way up to the actual fat burning portion.

I also want to use this blog to review exercise equipment and videos from an actual fat person's point of view and to post some most excellent links. Pictures and whatnot will be forthcoming when I get around to having a few rolls developed.